06E008
Runaway Bride May Face Run-on Sentence
By Howdy Getso, reporting from Eastern
Blogovia
Howdy: Can you hear me now, DC?
DC: Yes, you're coming in loud and
clear. Go ahead, Howdy.
Howdy: Behind me you see an empty
church. Just days ago, this church was home to happy throngs of would-be
revellers, all looking forward to the wedding of Jennifer Wilbanks and John
Mason. Now, the lonely wind whistles through the belfry, seeming to mock the
wholesome ideals of holy matrimony and American values.
DC: Howdy, we’re hearing a crunching sound.
Howdy: As I walk through the church, I
find it hard to avoid stepping on the hundreds of abandoned packets of
"Rice-a-Moni," the pre-packaged handfuls of rice for throwing at the
bride and groom as they come down the steps outside, after a successful
"matrimony." A successful matrimony which did not happen. DC?
DC: America would like to know what
happens next.
Howdy: That's not clear. Right-wing
pundits of all persuasions are divided on the issue. For example,
* Bill O'reilly says
that if the woman is mentally competent, she should be punished with impunity.
* Neal Boortz is more sympathetic, saying "Many, many years ago I
had a relative commit suicide over an unwilling participation in a huge
wedding. Is it possible that Jennifer Wilbanks ran away for the same
reason?" We were unable to confirm whether the "relative" was
Mrs. Boortz.
* Michael Savage preferred to
focus on the "inappropriate behavior" of the First Lady at the
White House Correspondents' Dinner. Apparently, her reference to the
President's attempt to milk a male horse, or "stalyan," as we say in
Eastern Blogovia, did not set well with the Eastern Blogovian Apoplectic
Tabernacle, LLC. DC?
DC: What about the crowd? Are they the
usual mix of TV and print media?
Howdy: Not at all. A sizeable force of
Hollywood agents have been gathering over the past 24 hours. Rumor has it there
will be several books and a couple of TV movies in the near future. I myself am
in negotiations as we speak, to write a tell-all book about my role in this
affair.
DC: You? Really?
Howdy: Yes DC, I was the first one on
the scene to cover the larger story of the unprecedented number of
correspondents covering the original story.
DC: Which was?
Howdy: At this point, no one is really
sure. But one thing everyone agrees on - the larger story continues to grow.
DC: What about "boots on the
ground," do we have the manpower to cover the larger story?
Howdy: That could be a problem. If
another news story suddenly erupts, the US might be stretched too thin to cover
it. E.g., if the Michael Jackson case gets a new twist, we could experience a
temporary "blackout," or "hiatus." During that time,
"America" could be "at risk." We could be blindsided by
another irrelevant news story. And it might just be devastating. -zzzht---pfft
DC: We seem to have lost our signal. That was Howdy Getso, reporting from Eastern Blogovia.