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Travel Deals to Saturn

Am I surprised by the news that NASA has found water on Saturn and maybe even life, although not life as we know it (possibly more like life found around Camden, New Jersey.) No, I definitely am not. I knew it was there all the time. In fact, I could have saved NASA a lot of money, because they could’ve just asked me about it all.

Remember all those people who, as children, suddenly remembered being abducted by aliens and taken to Saturn for a barbeque and a chance to buy prime land overlooking liquid methane? In case you don’t believe that these people are remembering real events, let me fill you in on a little secret of my own. After I heard all these stories about alien abductions, I found that I myself could recount unusual memories from my childhood, especially one particular night when I fell asleep in my school clothes on the living room floor; and, get this, woke up the next morning in bed, in my own pyjamas, and clutching my favorite book of fairy tales! This actually happened and there was never any explanation for it. What’s more, each time I recalled the memory of that strange night, additional footage of my “missing time” was added. Until at one point, I could actually see the faces of my alien abductors and what they had put on their sandwiches.

I was actually snatched up from my living room floor and taken aboard a spacecraft. I remember that I had to walk up steps to the craft, because the ‘transporter’ that levitated people onto the ship wasn’t working that night, and everybody who tried it splashed into Lake Champlain and lost their shoes. Inside the craft, tiny men with almond-shaped eyes gave me a thorough examination, and I remember someone telling me it wasn’t covered by my father’s medical plan.

The important thing is that I remember winding up on Saturn, which, astonishingly enough, is just like earth, except that on Wednesday evenings, hot air doesn’t rise there. It sort of hops sideways, which can be confusing when you’re trying to heat the upstairs. And yes, there is water there. But if my memories serve, I think it’s only safe to brush your teeth with.

And what about the rings, you’re thinking. Well, I could’ve been distracted (which is entirely possible when you’re traveling at the speed of light), because I don’t recall seeing any rings during my fly by. I have to conclude that the rings are an illusion, possibly created when a magnetic field captures stray ions and then plays crack the whip with them around the planet, producing the mysterious rings and the giggles (you can hear them when you get up close).

So there you have it. If NASA had just contacted me in advance and asked me what I knew, it would have cost NASA exactly $0 for the whole probe, unless they picked up that tab for my alien physical examination.