My six steps for taming any earthquake
For reasons I shall never figure out, there are many people who have chosen to live in “seismologically active” regions of the planet. (That’s what experts call earthquakes, to avoid scaring little children into thinking their pumpkin patch is going to gobble them up.) So, it is extremely vital, if, for example, you happen to be a New Yorker moving to California, that you choose a spot that will always stay pretty much where you originally found it.
One surefire way to do this is by visiting homes in various California neighborhoods. My rough rule of thumb is that if your neighbor’s living room and kitchen are divided by a ravine, you may wish to look across town.
For those of you who have already purchased a property and have discovered too late that major appliances move about the house at will because of quake activity, there’s no need to panic and move yourself into an abandoned boat. I have spent a great deal of time in quake zones. And I have developed a helpful six step system, which makes it possible to scoff at any earthquake, even host a dinner dance right inside its epicenter.
My helpful six step system:
The important thing to remember is that there’s no need to panic at the first sign of a tremor. If, on the other hand, you suddenly find yourself in the basement when you thought you were having cocktails on the veranda, tell everyone to start screaming and make a lot of noise. Someone may be trying to find you under the rubble.