06E060

Today’s Menu

Your call is important to us. Thanks for staying on the line. One of our representatives will be with you shortly. To help us assist you in your calling experience, please choose from the following menu:

To speak with a representative who's in Rawalpindi but has had enough voice coaching to almost sound like he's from Indianapolis and who will pretend his name is "Duane", press 1;


To speak with a representative with a British accent but who is obviously from the Indian sub-continent and whose name is Rajiv, press 2;


To speak with a representative from God-knows-where and whose name is unpronounceable and not even really a name even in his own country but some word he just made up to play with your head, press 3;


To speak with a representative whose lunch break you're interrupting, press 4;


To speak with a representative who couldn't care less, press 5;


To speak with a representative who could care even less than 5, press 6;


To speak with a representative who is on the verge of tears, press 7;


To speak with a representative whose first day it is on the job and who will either disconnect you or put you on hold for ten minutes while looking for a pencil and then disconnect you, press 8;


To speak with a representative who knows who you are and saw what you did, press 9;


To return to the main menu, press #.