06E122

Another Year, Another Year

The decision to declare 2007 The International Year of Aluminum Siding was not made lightly (as it were). The UN had been struggling with the choice for months. The entire world was, after all, waiting with breath bated. In fact several third world countries managed to turn blue and were scolded by their mothers, the tension ran so high.

The International Years Committee, (or UNEBBISH as it is called only because it fits the UN acronym format) had long had an easy time of it, racking up International Years for women, children, the handicapped... But more recently, they seemed to be struggling with concepts like - The International Year of Communication - a less than forgettable effort, which it can be plainly seen, was roundly ignored on a global scale. Seldom had the nations of the Earth banded together so tightly, as when they ignored the Year of Communication. Rather ironic, that.

The charter (this is the UN you know) mandated the Year had to have broad appeal, but shouldn’t be maudlin. It had to be fresh, but it couldn’t be snobbish. It had to be accessible, but it couldn’t be commonplace. The rules immediately eliminated Albania’s nomination for The International Year of the Radish, as well as Nigeria’s International Year of the Forgery, and Zaire’s International Year of the Tze Tze Fly. America’s International Year of the Bullet, also received scant attention, despite a blistering lobby effort by the NRA.

Finally, in the great spirit of compromise, Canada’s choice - The International Year of Aluminum Siding - was the only one that got two votes, and so it won. But what a great choice! Aluminum Siding was the great leveler of Society. A product that changed the face of the world! It was aluminum siding that allowed people to forget about painting their houses for 20 years or more. What a time saver! It was aluminum siding that homogenized whole towns so you couldn’t tell one from another. What an equalizer! Aluminum siding was so easy to pay for you could actually own it before it wore out. How economical! Yes, aluminum siding was the answer, as it is in so many applications in this modern, workaday world. You could bend it, cut it, fold it, mold it, slice it, dice it, and a whole lot more!

Aluminum siding could change the face of the planet, and make all men equal before the eyes of the tourist. As it was in America, you could hardly tell where you were once you left Manhattan. Now the whole world would benefit from this, the greatest innovation in housing.

The very concept of an International Year of Aluminum Siding reinvigorated UNEBBISH. Suddenly a whole list of potential new International Years took shape for the future. (A list of them here would defy the digestive system.) But a word to the wise: you might want to hide impressionable children when they start to promote The International Year of the Lawn Ornament.