07-055

How the wheel was invented

Ever since man first noticed cheese mysteriously disappearing from his cave, humans have been inventing methods to trap mice. The earliest mousetraps date back to the Stone Age period and, like their inventors, were somewhat primitive.

Picture, if you will, the ancient caveman sitting on the floor of his damp, dark cave, his legs stretched out in front of him, with a piece of cheese lodged snugly between two toes. Patiently, he would wait quietly with a heavy wooden club in hand.

This crude trap, when baited with the combined aroma of rotting cheese and primitive human sweaty feet, would have been quite irresistible to the ravenous rodents. As the critters cautiously crept forward to feast on the tasty snack: Wham!

An effective snare, to be sure, but not without it’s painful side effects. And yet, the resourcefulness of evolving humanity was not to be underestimated. The caveman was taking his first steps (albeit hobbled ones) towards technological development.

Eventually, one ingenious caveman significantly improved the mousetrap by inviting his neighbor for supper. After the banquet, as the well-fed neighbor lay gracefully sprawled in a reposed and digesting state on the cave floor, the caveman surreptitiously slipped a piece of cheese between his neighbor’s toes, while remaining vigilant with the club. Suddenly, mouse catching became less painful, at least for the cave dwelling dinner host.

This exciting news quickly spread, and soon cavemen were treating their neighborhood buddies to meals in unprecedented numbers.

Unfortunately, this mousetrap modification did little to facilitate harmonious community relationships, since neighbors everywhere soon developed flat feet and walking became impossible. The normally testosterone-primed cavemen were now completely bedridden, and could no longer perform routine caveman duties, such as the spearing of prehistoric woodland creatures for the family meals.

This situation proved intolerable for the cavewoman who was not only driven to find food to feed her family (in addition to her many other cave maintenance duties) but she was forced to listen to the continuous complaining and whining of her housebound hunter-gatherer partner. In fact, so desperately frustrated was one such cavewoman, that it prompted her to resolve the problem and, as it happened, make a giant technological leap forward for humanity in the process.

She invented the wheel.

And, by attaching it to a chair, she devised a new means of mobility for the entire population of incapacitated cavemen. The invention of the wheelchair allowed everyone to regain their independence. Cavewomen once again had their caves to themselves during the day, while their cavemen were able to return to the great primitive outdoors.

In their own gentle and encouraging way ever since, cavewomen everywhere have been continually reminding their cavemen that it is probably best for them to concentrate on sharpening their spears, rather than their wits.

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