10-012
Ten Habits of Highly-Organized
People, and How to Avoid Them
Whenever life seems to be crashing down around me, with
looming deadlines and teenage sons on my doorstep saying "Your car crashed
into a tree—here are the keys," I don't turn to religion, drink or
drugs. Instead, I consult my lists of “Habits of Highly-Organized People,”
which I collect compulsively like a hoarder who has to be pulled from the
wreckage of his junk-filled apartment by firemen wearing gas masks. I saw one just the other day--a list of
highly-organized peoples’ habits, that is, not a fireman wearing a gas
mask--next to my National Geographics and my collection of rubber squeaky dolls
of television advertising icons—Poppin’ Fresh, the Michelin Man, Mr.
Peanut. Ah, here it is!
If you're going to get organized you need a list, and I
offer to you my Best of the Get Organized Lists for just $1.25, two for $4.
Habit #1: Basically, everything is
"miscellaneous". Think about it. Why bother to even have a word
such as "miscellaneous"--meaning "consisting of diverse things
or members"--unless you're going to use it? Diversity is good,
right? So create a "miscellaneous" room in your house or
apartment, and "Miscellaneous Zones" throughout your living
space. You'll find filing and cleaning up is a breeze!
Habit #2: Separate emotions from possessions. Those
curtains your wife loves that are blocking your college dorm
man-speakers? Who needs 'em? They're just collecting dust, which
can cause emphysema, asthma, and Eritrea, a country in the Horn of Africa.
To be on the safe side, don't leave them out on the curb--take them to the
municipal dump today!
Habit #3: There is no habit #3. There
used to be a third habit, but somebody put habit #4 down on top of it and now
nobody can find it. Like the sixth
kitten in the litter that “Kitsy” produced after you paid good money to have
her spayed.
Habit #4: Everything you own should be stackable.
Plastic food containers, outdoor furniture cushions, barbecue grilles, family
members, pets and relatives are all handier to use if they can be stacked and
stored neatly on top of each other. During tense and crowded holiday
seasons, remember to use a firm and stable mother-in-law as your base.
Habits nos. 5, 6 and 7. You
don’t have time for all these habits. Delegate
them to a subordinate and proceed to #8.
Habit #8: Your hair and fingernails grow faster in the
summer.
Whoops—sorry. That “habit” snuck in here from an in-flight
magazine I brought home from a business trip.
Habit #9: Make peace with imperfection. When life gives you lemons, make orange
juice.
Habit #10: Ask for help. When household
clutter reaches third-world bazaar proportions, reach out to friends and family
for assistance! Then set up the
long-lost slide projector you dig out of a pile of debris for a pantomime
version of the “antler dance” while those around you cart off unwanted junk.
You do have a pair of antlers, don’t you?