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HOW TO GET YOUR DOG TO LOSE WEIGHT

A survey by the Association for Pet Obesity Prevention finds that fifty-five percent of dogs are overweight.

Your canine is a reflection of you, so it’s important that they be slim. Especially if your dog is female. \

To get your dog's life back into shape, just follow the suggestions in this article.

USE A REWARD SYSTEM

For every pound she loses, reward her with a non-edible treat. Perhaps a new collar, or a gift certificate for a blow-out at the grooming salon.

Tell her that if she reaches her goal weight, you will take her on an all-expense paid trip to your brother’s farm.

Sometimes a little positive reinforcement is all it takes to get your dog on the right path.

GIVE PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT TO YOUR OTHER, THINNER DOGS

If you don’t have another dog, pay more attention to the dogs at the local park. When a Dalmation walks by, say “Look at the toned legs on that bitch!”

This will motivate your dog to stay on track.

LEAVE MAGAZINES LYING AROUND SHOWING PHOTOS OF SKINNY DOGS

Place an open copy of Modern Dog magazine near her food dish. When she goes in for that second helping of ham hocks fried in bacon fat, she’ll see pictures of the dog she could be and wonder why she let herself go.

TRY REASONING WITH HER

It’s important to address the underlying issues. Is she depressed? Have the other mutts at the dog park been bullying her? Remember, dogs can be cruel.

BUY HER A GOAL OUTFIT

Buying her an outfit two sizes smaller will help keep your canine on track. Make it flashy, something that she’ll be excited to wear when she’s strutting her new body at the dog park.

Like a bejeweled snuggie, for example. Or a form fitting tank top that reveals her midriff.

MAKE OFF-HANDED COMMENTS ABOUT HOW CHUBBY SHE’S GETTING

Say things like “Have another doggie treat, muffin-top,” or, “What are you, a Basset Hound?” Keep in mind that if she’s a basset hound, this probably won’t have any effect.

Try not to be too cruel. You want to encourage your dog, not send her into a downward spiral of depression that she ends up drowning in jerky treats and leftover dinner scraps.

STAGE AN INTERVENTION

If push comes to shove, you may have to resort to a canine intervention.

Before the intervention, casually tell your dog that there will be a camera crew following her around for a few days. If she becomes suspicious, tell her it’s for an episode of Dog the Bounty Hunter. It’s not like she watches the program.

GIVE HER AN ULTIMATUM

Tell her that while you love her, you’re just not physically attracted to her anymore. Don’t bother with the whole “I worry about you health” spiel. Unless she’s a beagle, she’s not an idiot.

If your dog is a beagle, well, I hate to say it but you’re probably out of luck.